Transcript
It was really a beautiful providence of God that our Diamond Jubilee celebration also is the Year of Jubilee. And Pope Francis I’m sure when he proclaim it he hasn’t had us in mind at all, and we haven’t had in mind also the Jubilee Year. So I regard it as God’s providence and His mercy. But also a reminder to me in particularly because religious life, like any other stage of life, is really a pilgrim of hope. But fundamentally, it has to be a journey of great faith. And I feel personally without faith we just couldn’t really live a life that is concentrated on God and doing His will no matter what state of life we are in. But as a religious I would say particularly for me, faith is the foundation of everything that we think of and do and also carry out ourselves as we are. Because in faith I believe that God made me, God created me, God loved me, and God also had a plan for me. And this plan, I do not know how exactly it will unfold itself. But as life goes on then I realise that the plan is always accompanied by hope the hope on both sides. Maybe God already knows everything that is going to happen to me but as a daddy, a Heavenly Father, like all fathers they also will hope whatever their child does somehow really correspond to the desire and the plan that the daddy has in their mind all for the best of the child. So with this Jubilee Year of hope I always think that, ‘Father what do you want me to do?’ ‘What do you desire of me in this particular year?’ And then when I reflect upon it I said, ‘oh dear I’m already sixty years in religious life.’ What have I been doing all throughout those sixty years? Has it been a year, or those past years have been pleasing to God in some way? Or have I been, you know, really tumbling over it, you know, by making many mistakes, by maybe disappointing God or maybe, you know, somehow upset His plan for me. So there has been periods of reflection that I do think about it during this year when the sisters and the congregation have been, you know, looking forward to this Jubilee celebration in the Church. And it just happened that our group also, and I’m within that group, celebrating their Diamond Jubilee So the first question come to me is, it is love of God that sustained me throughout these sixty years. And it is also the gift of hope and faith that He has instilled in my life. That whatever happened, I have the faith granted by His grace and sustained by hope and being loved by Him I say that is part of my journey whether it is joy, whether it is despair, I’m the sanguine character so despair doesn’t always come so obvious but disappointment, yes, and also frustration, and also somehow when I feel that I am really very unworthy because God has been so merciful to me. Overlooking all my defects and overlooking also sometimes that I did disappoint Him and became disappointed and sad in the sense that I couldn’t live up to his desire and I upset His plan by being sinful, by being also self-centered. But somehow I always have felt that His mercy is always with me and he always raised me up in time of maybe my self regret, and also myself somehow disappointed with myself because I haven’t been living faithfully in various ways. But that faith in Him that no matter what happened. He is there watching me, sometimes shaking His head, but sometimes smiling and sometimes when He put up a thumb and say, well done! But most of the time, He watches me quietly and sustaining me and protecting me. And that is the faith that have always been in my heart granted by His grace. And the hope which is the main theme in this Jubilee Year have been also very evident in my life. I never gave up hope because God is hope. God is faith, God is love. So I’m grateful to God my life should be a life of thanksgiving and sometimes I imagine myself if this moment God calls me, I wonder how I really react. Would I be running away from Him? Or will I be running towards Him? And how did I run towards Him? And sometimes I would imagine myself to be His child no matter what age I am in, whether I’m in my twenties, whether my childhood, or in my maturity, or in my older age, which I am in now, because sixty years Diamond Jubilee is not a short time. But He called me when I was sixteen and a half, so I was very young. And I do not know life definitely but He has been the one teaching me life. He has been the one giving me opportunities to study very well in many different aspects, but also theological but most of all, He taught me Himself. He was my teacher, He was my guide, and He was the one that implement and also sustain me with the lack of knowledge that I have in my initial stage. But bit by bit, when I’m ready, then He will teach me a little bit more. And at the end I would say that, yes You have taught me a lot, even though I do not always correspond, but you have been merciful Father in heaven. And Jesus is my bridegroom so the bridegroom always somehow, you know, spoil the bride a little bit. So sometimes I say, dear Father you are treating me so well that very often I felt myself like a spoiled child in your arms. But I don’t mind being spoiled by You because Your spoiling is really chastising. And in some way, that will always carry with you a mercy. The mercy that understands, the mercy that has compassion towards my frailty, a mercy that will forgive and that will always embrace me. And I can run to You like a child and so that is my imagination and my notion when He calls me, I will just run to Him and jump to His bosom and I know He will do it. How? Maybe I let Him be the one to tell me when the time comes and when the time comes, I will be filled with tears of joy, not tears of regret. Because in God there shouldn’t be any regret because the regret should be at our side because if we regret that is a good point, but after regret there should be hope, there should be faith in God’s mercy and love. And for that I’m grateful for the religious, you know, call that He has called me. And I hope for the rest of my life I will still respond with simplicity, with joy and with humility. Even my fickleness and my sinfulness will not prevent me to trust in His love. Thank you.